Thursday, February 12, 2015

Valentine's Day...Where Are You, My Valentine?

I adore valentine's day.  If you are as old as I am, which is almost 58, you will remember when we bought those little cards that were one-sided, and you wrote your note on the back.  They also came with little square envelopes that were fairly thin, so you knew it was a valentine.  When younger and giving these cards, us kids would try our best to just lay them on our friends' desks at school.  This tactic was used especially if a girl was giving one of these cards to a boy.  I also remember when my dad left school after he taught, he would stop at Gladstone Bakery on Milwaukee Avenue and get my sister, brother and me cupcakes that were lightly tinged with pink frosting, and a heart stuck on top.  To this day I remember those.  And, what about the little boxes of small heart candies with all the sayings on them?  I recently mentioned on facebook that one valentine's day, my late husband flew into Chicago to surprise me at work after he had been recalled to his previous job in San Francisco.  It was such a lovely gesture, but actually turned disastrous as we had a huge argument.  To this day I also remember that, and still feel badly.  I have always been a romantic...flowers for no reason, being called during the course of a day just to be told I was being thought of, lit candles on a table, a little gift that actually had thought put behind it...not something the giver wanted themselves, but something they knew I would be tickled with because they took the time to know "me", and what "I" liked.  Now it is a few years later after my late husband has died, and I have no regular sweetheart...I thought I did, but I guess not.  It's quite painful, and on the day where my heart should be in love, my heart is breaking.  I so want another partner...someone to talk to about anything, and everything; someone to hold, whether it be on the couch watching tv, or in bed; someone who wants to sit outside in the middle of the night and watch the stars; someone who is spontaneous, and may buy a little jar of child's bubbles to blow, or draw out a hopscotch game with chalk on the sidewalk.  I don't know if ever I will find him, and yes, it now brings a tear to my eye.  I so want to be in love again...I'm in love with love.  Where oh where is he?  A friend of mine said awhile back that "he's" just around the corner...my reply was, what corner?  give me the street intersections.  Many have also told me...just be patient, don't think about it and then it will happen, enjoy your own company.  But dammit, I get tired of enjoying my own company.  Yes, there are meetup groups, but if you're out to find a sweetheart, you will find that if 30 people sign up for something, 27 of them are women.  Am I lonely, yes; am I feeling sorry for myself, you betcha; but if I can't do it, who will do it for me?  Tomorrow is Friday the 13th...my lucky day...maybe something will happen along the lines of love.  I can only wish, I can only hope...with all my heart.

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